Inspiring families to find their happy place.

Write Your Family’s Manifesto

January 6, 2012 by 6 Comments
fink manifesto

 

Manifesto: A written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer (Merriam-Webster)

As 2012 gets off to a start, I’ve already promised myself not to have any resolutions — especially those that may not happen all year as I’d like. However, I do have a bit of something to say and create in 2012 for our family.

Independence. Imagination. Healthy bodies. Courageousness. Sacred moments. Connection.

We’ve done all of these things but I feel now is the time to focus on doing them differently now that the girls are older. It’s not easy to push away the brain that is used to parent a baby and toddler. Our children are not babies or toddlers anymore. They turn 6 next week. And yet I want to protect them, give them the answers, help them — as I have always done.

I’ve been inspired this week by Patti Digh’s new Web site launch party for 37 Days when she confessed — and became quite emotional — to needing to be home more with her daughter and wanting to create a different way to be with family in 2012. She also encouraged viewers to focus on what’s yearning inside of them rather than the obstacle even though, she said, the obstacle is often what drives the story.

For us, I’d say, the yearning is to follow our dreams. The obstacle is fear and self-doubt. This came up when my husband and I both burned the words self-doubt at our church’s burning ceremony. We didn’t plan that.

I’ve also been inspired this week by Amanda and Stephen Soule’s book, “The Rhythm of Family: Discovering a Sense of Wonder through the Seasons,” a lovely little book that gives you things to make and do for each month of the year. The Rhythm of Family has one section dedicated to writing a manifesto for the seasons, which is a great idea. However, I really wanted our manifesto to be something that we can use in all seasons, all year and no matter what happens. It will probably change next year and again the year after that. This manifesto compliments our family mission statement that we have written in a little tiny book that sits on our dresser that just professes our values and reminds us of what is most important to us.

To write a Family Manifesto — and I’ve written others for my writing and myself before — it’s important to include these three things:

  1. Honor each other: Promote love in your manifesto if you do nothing else. Love to each other. Love to the earth. Love to the rest of your family. Love for just being here, where you are. Love for yourself. Or find some other way to say it but spread love because these connections to each other are valuable and irreplaceable. A manifesto needs to remember the most important ingredients. There may be more, but Start with Love.
  2. Absolutely Positively Upbeat: Your manifesto should include positive statements, happy statements — things that make you go, “Yeah!” This isn’t about losing weight, it’s about honoring our bodies and staying healthy so we can run and play together more as a family. This isn’t about spending less, it’s about using what we have in the most creative, useful ways. This isn’t about ridding ourselves of self-doubt, it’s about being brave and trying new things.
  3. Happy, Happy, Happy: What makes you happy as a family? What are those moments that you look back upon and laugh, smile, cry with joy? Yes, those! They are the ones you want more of this year or this month or this season. More ways to connect. Find the laughter in all the moments, even the difficult ones. Discover new things or new places. Take more adventures. Whatever it is, include it!

Here’s our manifesto.

How about you? What’s in your manifesto for this year? I’d love to read them and get to know your family better.

Share
Filed Under: Intentional Parenting, Peaceful Living Tagged With: , , , , , ,

I have fallen awake, and it feels wonderful

December 9, 2011 by 1 Comment

Have you ever just woke up one day and realized you’ve been caring about all the wrong things in life?

This year, when my husband was put out of his job in a “downsizing” I had a wakeup call of the most higher power.

What am I doing?

I had been leading a life that was not authentic to me. It’s hard to explain here, nor could I ever really explain it well. Everything, all day, felt inconsequential. I wasn’t happy. And then our financial security shattered.

There were a lot of questions unanswered all summer long. I kept seeking.

Over the years, I have found solace in the meaningless life I had been living – the life outside of my family, of course — I finished my book, started teaching writing classes, and began coaching creative types — all things that make me feel alive inside, like what it should feel like as a human being, to be real.

Now, I’m full of Joy and it’s because I have finally fallen awake.  I’ve fallen awake to my life, the one that is going to read on my obituary some day.

She was Awake to This life.

I’m awake to my power. I’m awake to who I am. I’m awake to what moves me and fills me up. I”m awake to the higher good that is inside of me. I’m awake to what gets me up every morning, what drives me through my day and my passions. I’m awake to all that matters in This life.

This. I”m awake to This.

I’ve retreated back to the Internet as a result. When I was most lonely in my life — when my daughters were so very young — I had a blog and I met so many wonderful people around the world. I loved all of them and they made me who I am today.

I am here to declare that I am so very wide awake. Noticing. Reflecting. Paying attention to what matters most — to me.

This.  All this.

And you.

Share
Filed Under: Abundant Mamas, Intentional Parenting, Motherhood Tagged With: , ,

This or That Syndrome

November 23, 2011 by 2 Comments

Store Window Reflection by Joseph Szymanski

I used to think happiness was doing the One Single Thing in this world that we’re called to do. I used to think that if that wasn’t possible, then happiness would just remain elusive.

This or that. Black or White. Either, Or.

Then, after I became a mother, I started to question and wonder about all of my dreams and callings. Suddenly, paralyzed with what I no longer had time for in life such as writing, my dreams got bigger and bigger. I soon realized that life isn’t about just one dream, or one calling. There’s enough space in life for all of it, including our swollen dreams.

I truly appreciate Daniel’s post about What Makes You Come Alive over at Metta Drum on this topic because I’ve been preaching that to my writing students for a while now. We can be writers AND something else entirely. In fact, as someone who’s been a writer to earn money and someone who’s just been a writer, I feel confident in saying that the latter is actually better for the love of the craft unless earning money is no issue for you. It’s OK to be more than one thing in life.

For me, it’s about Balance.

There’s no greater way to stop being a creative writer than writing to earn a living. Deadlines loom. We get tired of staring at the computer screen all day. We grow tired of thinking of the right words to use all day. So, at night, we resort to anything, everything that isn’t writing. Pretty sad way of life if all you ever wanted to be was a writer, as I have.

And yet, the funny thing is that as writers or creative types, we often need to interact with the outside world to refresh our ideas or to gather up new ideas. For some of us, the outside world is our muse.

I’m tired of falling prey to the evil This or That Syndrome. I’m tired of feeling like I have to be a mother all day and not a woman with dreams. I’m tired of being a fulltime worker all day and having to put away my mother hat even though my kids consume my every thought. I’m tired of having to choose one or the other, this or that.

I’m a working Mama by day and a writer the rest of the time. That’s who I am. All of it.

For the longest time, I tried to separate my many selves because of this societal pressure to be only one thing.

Through lots of reading and practice, I’m learning that the best place, the happiest place, is when all of our many selves collide into the one Authentic person we truly are in life. It’s a little bit of that humanist, freethinker, writer, mother and thought leader in me that led to this blog. I’m a writer but I”m so much more than that as well. I have dreams and ideas. I’m a mother but I”m much more than that, too.

So if you find yourself compartmentalizing your many, many selves take comfort: Open yourself up and find a way for them to all burst onto the scene. Be One with them All. That’s the only way to reach your authentic voice.

With proper balance and centering, we can wake up and find space for all of our dreams. At least, that is, if we want to be Real.

Share
Filed Under: Creativity Tagged With: , , , ,