Inspiring families to find their happy place.

6 Ways to Sneak in More Family Time

Lovely image by Vivienne McMaster. Click image to learn more about Vivienne.

You’re at a restaurant. The wait appears neverending. Of course, naturally, your whole family takes out their gadgets — not to find the menu, or the reviews, or how to get to the next destination — but to surf or play games.

You know, anything but talk to each other. Anything but wait. Anything but do nothing. Anything but sit in silence. Anything but …

Or, you’re at home and everyone is bored to tears so you grab your iPhone and your son grabs his Nintendo DS and your daughter grabs her LeapPad and your husband grabs his iPad.

Now everyone feels better. Now no one has to look at each other. Now no one has to try and get along.

{I’m not really talking about YOU by the way.}

I’d love to remember just how I “met” Rachel Stafford. One thing led to another and I ended up on her blog, Hands Free Mama. Immediately, I fired off a comment or an email to her saying that I thought we might have a few things in common. She agreed. We’ve become fast Virtual friends.

Rachel and I take slightly different approaches to saying basically the same thing: We only get one precious life to be with our family so let’s not waste it. Rachel’s mission is to provide people with the inspiration, motivation, and tools to let go of daily distraction so they can grasp the moments in life that matter and live more meaningfully.

In this Awesomely Awake world, we appreciate that we will be distracted with life’s many amazing, wonderful things but that we must make a very clear intention every single day to put the Live in Living first and foremost so that we can teach our children how to really, really live fully during their one, wild precious life. It’s about moderation, really. But isn’t everything?

Another fab image from Vivienne McMaster. Click image to find her!

Rachel agreed to an interview here and I’d like to highlight what I learned from her interview by using her words to create a list of how to TRY to lead a distraction-free life:

DESIGNATE MEDIA TIME: Rachel says, “I have approximately seven hours each day when my family is not home. Those are the hours I write and work online. I also utilize time in the evening to work once my family goes to bed. I will be honest, I seldom “get done” everything I want to do in a day, but that is a pressure I have learned to let go of – the pressure to “do it all,” which almost cost me everything I hold dear.”

BAKE TOGETHER: This tradition started when my oldest child was two-years-old and she helped make her own birthday cake. I was amazed at how much she could do to help, and before we knew it, she was even cracking eggs! Our baking tradition has evolved into our family’s favorite way to express kindness and appreciation to people in our lives. Every holiday, we make goodies to package up and give to others as a way of saying “thank you.” We include people inside our inner circle of family and friends, but we also strive to include people who provide services in our lives like the trash collectors and mail carrier.

GET OFF THE SIDELINES: I have gone from watching my children play to being part of the action. In the past eighteen months, I have done things that I haven’t done in decades. My kids delight in seeing me ride a scooter, slide down a grassy hill on a cardboard box, do a cannon ball into the pool with goggles on, climb a mountain of dirt, and pet a snake. I have never seen my kids laugh and smile as much as they do when I step into their world.

JUST TALK: When my oldest daughter was three, she asked for “talk time” at the conclusion of her bedtime routine one night.  We have continued “talk time” nightly for the last five years. During this sacred ten-minute period, I get to hear what is on my child’s heart and mind. She shares everything from what happened at school to what she wants to be when she grows up. She asks questions about everything from what she was like as a baby to what would happen if I die.

PLAY TOGETHER: One summer we did a simple science experiments together. We ended up inviting a few neighbors over for the weekly science lesson, and it became quickly became the highlight of each week. I used a book I discovered on clearance in the back of a craft store entitled, The Ultimate Book of Kid Concoctions. The ingredients were often things I had around the house and the steps were easy.  What I most enjoyed was hearing the children “hypothesize” about the expected outcome of the experiment and then watching their faces as the results unfolded – pure excitement, wonder, and delight! Who knew creating foamy paint, peanutty play dough, fruity lip gloss, and a crystal rock garden would lead to laughter, connection, memory making, and learning?

GIVE BACK: Our family is passionate about helping children in poverty situations. For the past four years, my family has helped me conduct a community-wide event where children in our neighborhood learn about what it means to live in poverty and fill empty shoeboxes with needed items. The shoeboxes are sent to children in impoverished countries through an organization called Operation Christmas Child. Each year my family seeks to educate more children in our community and touch more children with a shoebox gift than the year before. My daughters hope to surpass last year’s community total with a new goal of 500 lovingly filled shoeboxes for children in poverty. Luckily, my daughters are “planners extraordinaire” just like their mama and have already begun brainstorming ways to create more filled boxes.

Learn more about Rachel’s journey to grasp what matters on her blog www.handsfreemama.com or through “The Hands Free Revolution” on Facebook.

Learn more about Vivienne McMaster and the photography courses she teaches online here.

Rachel with her two lovelies

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Write Your Family’s Manifesto

fink manifesto

 

Manifesto: A written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer (Merriam-Webster)

As 2012 gets off to a start, I’ve already promised myself not to have any resolutions — especially those that may not happen all year as I’d like. However, I do have a bit of something to say and create in 2012 for our family.

Independence. Imagination. Healthy bodies. Courageousness. Sacred moments. Connection.

We’ve done all of these things but I feel now is the time to focus on doing them differently now that the girls are older. It’s not easy to push away the brain that is used to parent a baby and toddler. Our children are not babies or toddlers anymore. They turn 6 next week. And yet I want to protect them, give them the answers, help them — as I have always done.

I’ve been inspired this week by Patti Digh’s new Web site launch party for 37 Days when she confessed — and became quite emotional — to needing to be home more with her daughter and wanting to create a different way to be with family in 2012. She also encouraged viewers to focus on what’s yearning inside of them rather than the obstacle even though, she said, the obstacle is often what drives the story.

For us, I’d say, the yearning is to follow our dreams. The obstacle is fear and self-doubt. This came up when my husband and I both burned the words self-doubt at our church’s burning ceremony. We didn’t plan that.

I’ve also been inspired this week by Amanda and Stephen Soule’s book, “The Rhythm of Family: Discovering a Sense of Wonder through the Seasons,” a lovely little book that gives you things to make and do for each month of the year. The Rhythm of Family has one section dedicated to writing a manifesto for the seasons, which is a great idea. However, I really wanted our manifesto to be something that we can use in all seasons, all year and no matter what happens. It will probably change next year and again the year after that. This manifesto compliments our family mission statement that we have written in a little tiny book that sits on our dresser that just professes our values and reminds us of what is most important to us.

To write a Family Manifesto — and I’ve written others for my writing and myself before — it’s important to include these three things:

  1. Honor each other: Promote love in your manifesto if you do nothing else. Love to each other. Love to the earth. Love to the rest of your family. Love for just being here, where you are. Love for yourself. Or find some other way to say it but spread love because these connections to each other are valuable and irreplaceable. A manifesto needs to remember the most important ingredients. There may be more, but Start with Love.
  2. Absolutely Positively Upbeat: Your manifesto should include positive statements, happy statements — things that make you go, “Yeah!” This isn’t about losing weight, it’s about honoring our bodies and staying healthy so we can run and play together more as a family. This isn’t about spending less, it’s about using what we have in the most creative, useful ways. This isn’t about ridding ourselves of self-doubt, it’s about being brave and trying new things.
  3. Happy, Happy, Happy: What makes you happy as a family? What are those moments that you look back upon and laugh, smile, cry with joy? Yes, those! They are the ones you want more of this year or this month or this season. More ways to connect. Find the laughter in all the moments, even the difficult ones. Discover new things or new places. Take more adventures. Whatever it is, include it!

Here’s our manifesto.

How about you? What’s in your manifesto for this year? I’d love to read them and get to know your family better.

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