Family dinners are one of the greatest ways to connect after a long, busy day. It’s the one chance we have to sit and talk as a family. Experiencing that connection on a daily basis is a great way to foster a strong bond to each other.

And yes the kids can get rather silly at the dinner table. For some, it’s like suddenly being on stage after being just another child at school all day. For tired parents, this behavior can be rather frustrating. And, if the day has been really long, it can feel like torture to sit through. So, we try and just survive, snapping when things are really bad, ignoring the rest.

While we won’t be dining in a 4-star restaurant with our children anytime soon I do know that good table manners is important to everyone’s sanity and necessary to foster positive interaction. As I’ve said before, I like happy experiences with my children, not negative ones.

For me, in particular, a quiet dinner is something I really enjoy. I like good conversation while enjoying the food. I like to ask meaningful questions and hear the answers. I like to quiet my mind — usually for the first time all day. Mindful eating is just one of those many things that I try to work on for myself so that I do not over eat or under appreciate the food before us.

For a while, none of this was possible. Then one day, I had an idea!

Manner of the Week.

For two months, we focused heavily on just one manner a week — starting with the one that seemed to be the worst offenders, like talking with your mouth full.

The kids really took to this idea and soon they were coming up with their own ideas for Manner of the Week and we let them choose. We did this for about two months.

No one got punished if they didn’t follow the manner of the week. But we did point out infractions and they almost always quickly corrected themselves. The coolest part was that parents could easily be found guilty of the infractions and charged at the scene by a child — further making it a family learning experience.

The beauty of this process was that after just a few weeks, most of those really annoying things that were making us cringe at the table just disappeared — they melted away like butter. And we never had to use any rewards. Simple teaching moments that everyone could enforce and learn from at the same time so no one felt singled out.

They still don’t always eat their food. Sometimes they complain about meal choice. Now and then, though rarely, they have to be told to sit down properly. But they just turned 6 years old. I can’t expect them to be perfect at something that even I, at times, struggle with {like putting my elbows on the table when we eat.}

But the really bad manners are simply and wonderfully gone.

Here are some of the manners we used during the Manner of the Week as well as some others that could be the focus in future weeks:

Do not talk with your mouth full

Chew with your mouth closed

Do not put elbows on the table

Sit with your bottom flat on the chair

Do not kick the counter

Do not rock on your chair

Say please and thank you

Chew slowly

Do not shove food into your mouth

How to properly pass at the table

Don’t complain about the food

How to use a fork

How to use a knife

Put a napkin on your lap

The list of manners is probably much longer and you can find more resources here and here  and here. For our family, the manner of the week has worked wonders. Our girls have very little problems use good manners both at home and in restaurants and eating nicely. I’m curious if you’ve tried to incorporate better table manners in your house and what creative ideas you’ve used to make a big impact.