Inspiring families to find their happy place.

Motherhood isn’t just a waiting game

July 19, 2012 by 18 Comments
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Things got a little wonky up in here this week.

I wrote a post about dreaming. Then I wrote a post about how to take steps toward that dream, which turned into a debate about working mothers vs. stay-at-home home mothers.

That, to me, is just so symbolic of the American way —  that we can’t feel free to be creative and imaginative as mothers to go after our own dreams without having to debate about it first. It seems we can only lump ourselves as an either/or — working or not working.

For the record, I wasn’t talking about working. I wasn’t talking about not working. I wasn’t trying to start any kind of mommy war.

I was talking about DREAMING.

And dreaming is different than a job. Dreaming is different than caring for children 24/7.

It’s about finding your authentic self and creating the life you want.

What I was writing about, truly, but clearly didn’t articulate well is about so much more than a J-O-B.

When I said forgetting your dreams is the motherhood of yesterday … I meant you can be a stay-at-home mother and still follow a dream.

Dreams are for everyone, even stay-at-home moms, working moms, work-at-home moms and part-time working moms.

If you have something you want to do in your life that’s bigger than your everyday routine, I’ve given you some tools to do it — all with ways that will not take one minute of time away from your mothering ways. Of course, a job is different. A job does, indeed, take time away from a family. It’s not perfect but for many it is the only way and, as a working mother currently, I can assure you the only big thing I missed out on was when my daughter lost a tooth while she was at school, in Kindergarten. She read her first book to me, at home. There isn’t any other milestone that I’ve missed.

Not that I even want to go into the so-called mommy wars, but some people took us there anyway … so let’s go there for a minute. I’ve done it all — the work at home during the naps, the work full-time until you feel like the clock spins and spins all day and you seriously don’t have a minute to breathe and the stay-at-home mom where the routine is so monotonous you feel like you’re living in the Groundhog’s Day movie and yet the world goes on without you.

None of that matters. They all had their advantages. They all have their disadvantages. They all worked for my family at the time when they needed to — such as recently when I was working full-time and my husband’s position was eliminated. Such as when the price of daycare costs for infant twins was more than our mortgage payment so we sold a car and I stayed home. And then, in the most perfect scenario for me, when I began working at home as a freelance writer — yes when my girls’ napped. The latter allowed me to not miss a single moment of my girls’ life but also set my Thinking Mama persona into high gear but it was also a ton of work with no breaks.

The perfect working mother situation allows us to be there for the big and the small moments of raising children while also earning an income and feeling like a productive, smart and important part of society. But, the world still spins when that’s not possible or ideal.

I wasn’t any more stressed as a mother during any of these situations, by the way. I wasn’t anymore happy, either.

What I do know is that I”m a happier Mama when I have a dream to chase.

Having a dream to focus on for part of my day counters all of the worrying I do about the fact that the kids are squabbling again or getting too much sugar or not putting enough bug spray on and so they might get West Nile disease or that the organic apples weren’t available or the bathing suits aren’t dry enough to take to summer camp … or, or, or …

Please. Mothers have enough to worry about … the challenges of raising children are deep and painful at times.

Can’t a girl have a dream?

Can’t we support mothers in whatever situation they are trying to survive through?

Hell yes.

 As Awesomely Awake mothers, we know what is best for our families. We live every moment with intention, giving each aspect of our life full attention. When you do that, you can do anything. But you can only do one thing at a time.

So, when you’re Mama, you’re Mama. When you’re chasing a dream, you’re chasing the dream.

That’s about as Awake as you can get.

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Raise children while raising dreams

July 17, 2012 by 36 Comments
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You heard about the new CEO of Yahoo, right?

Yes, Marissa Mayer is pregnant. She plans to take ” a few weeks” off and work most of the time before returning to work.

It’s her first pregnancy.

Now, in true Awesomely Awake style we won’t judge her decision. But we can empathize with how difficult it will be to juggle a high powered career with first-time motherhood.

I thought this was an interesting story to discuss while we’re talking about living out our dreams this week.

Ms. Mayer has a lot to learn about juggling careers and dreams with wiping noses and changing diapers. Not to mention the guilt she will undoubtedly feel every hour of every day. I wish her lots of luck.

Like her, I’ve aspired to reach my own dreams, just on a much more simple level. There are many mothers like me and you in the Universe today who are balancing raising children while raising dreams.

In other words, I want my cake and eat it, too. Chocolate cake without calories, to be precise.

And yet many of us are proving each day that we can be active, engaged parents who are raising smart, healthy children — while also raising a dream. But, working full-time, caring for twin girls and being an active parent all while maintaining a home, a marriage and personal sanity isn’t easy.

But it’s absolutely possible.

Some people will say that you can do it all — just not at the same time.

I disagree. You have to get creative if you want to be a Dreamer Mama. Putting dreams on hold is how motherhood used to be.

No longer.

Women are proving every day that they can mother and be entrepreneurs — and hold down big-time jobs. And, we have to keep proving this for our daughters’ sakes.

Here’s a few tricks of the trade to raise a dream and children at the same time.

  1. BE ORGANIZED — I have never met a to-do list I didn’t like. But, working motherhood isn’t easy so you have to stay up later just to make sure you’re ready for the next day. Lunches packed. Backpacks ready. House picked up. No matter how tired you are at the end of your day, you have to think about tomorrow.
  2. GET UP EARLY — It’s not always easy but rising early before the crowd is the most surefire way to get uninterrupted time to work on any project or job. For brand new mothers, this is that middle of the night moment when the baby is actually sleeping but you are not.
  3. WORK EVERYWHERE — It’s amazing the amount of work you can do while taking a walk or driving and thinking. That’s when you can solve that plot problem or come up with a new way to earn money. It’s also hard to take notes so be careful.
  4. CARRY A NOTEBOOK — I never leave home without a notebook and a gazillion pens. You just never know when an idea will hit or when you’ll have free time to work on your project. I’ve conducted interviews at the park while entertaining twin toddlers — and took notes. It wasn’t easy, but it was possible.
  5. BRAINSTORM AT HOME — I have spent many hours sitting on the couch or at the dining room table with my girls working on a project with them and on mine at the same time. Assisting with homework or an art project that needs only a little adult interaction is a great time to get creative and let new ideas flow. Use the children’s arts supplies to doodle and draw your ideas into reality.
  6. TAKE RISKS — With so little time and so little energy, moms with BIG dreams have to just take bigger risks to get a bigger payoff. Sure, you can sit around waiting for the stars to align but I’m not the waiting kind. Take chances. Go big. The only failure is not trying, right?
  7. LIVE FULLY — There is no better way to work on a dream then to just live and do what is necessary — that’s when all the best ideas start to flow. Mark your calendar to live while you’re waiting on your dream to manifest itself.
  8. DO NOTHING — Yeah, do this one often. Big. Ideas. Always. Flow. Here. Breathe.
  9. GET CREATIVE — Get messy. Be inspired. Find new ways to do old things. Think outside the box. Do things differently. Be bold. Create something new. If you just sit there browsing Pinterest rather than LIVING, your dream will not get off the ground.
  10. WRITE YOUR MISSION STATEMENT — I believe so strongly in writing a statement for yourself. By statement I don’t mean some boring, long-winded thing that you can’t remember by heart. I mean create a little poem that means something to yourself. A manifesto, perhaps. Something that declares what you want in your life. And then stick to it. If it’s really what you are all about you need to treat it as such.

I’m curious about you. Have you had to walk away from a career that you loved to raise your children because you thought it was the right thing to do? How do you balance your dreams right now with raising children? Can we really have both and be successful at both?

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A Mother’s To-Do List

July 15, 2012 by 7 Comments
Photo by jdn via Flickr

This past weekend, I hosted a writing retreat/workshop. I began these workshops years ago when my girls were a little younger.

I tell people: I have to write or else I get very cranky.

Writing is my way to understand myself and the world around me.

On Saturday, during the retreat, I went barefoot splashing in puddles, walking through mud and climbing on the wall of our church grounds — all to get a sense of what it feels like to be young again.

As my feet slipped into the mud under the amazing Beech tree, I remembered something.

I’m still me.

I still have dreams.

I still need to create and build things for myself.

As much as my world is about raising children into adults, it’s also about the fact that I have a full life ahead of me as well.

I’ve talked about living an inspired life before but never have I set an intention like this one where I encourage you to set some goals that will lead you closer to what stands far on the road before you. Let’s set our dreams on fire this week.

Photo by jdn via Flickr

Motherhood is often the time when we sit back and wait — wait for the perfect moment, wait for the quiet, wait for the children to be asleep or older or in school. But dreams do not die. They live in us until we figure out a way to give them life. Your dreams are your dreams. If you aspire to be a great painter some day then you must paint.

Our to-do lists are full of tasks for everyone else. This week’s intention is about a mother’s to-do list. YOUR to-do list.

Motherhood is no excuse to put dreams on the back burner. To me, motherhood is the very reason to jump into a goal feet first. Sometimes — despite all my preaching about the importance of spending time with your children — you need to make yourself happy.

Being Awesomely Awake is as much about nurturing yourself as it is about nurturing your children.

By finding our own happiness and modeling it, our children learn the importance of setting their own goals and learning how to make them come true.

So start your to-do list and follow your dreams, whereever they may take you.

1. Write down your dream.

2. Send it out into the Universe either here, on your own blog or Facebook page.

3. Create a list of things you can do today to get you started on a path to achieving your goal.

Maybe it’s a simple dream — like to travel to some amazing place. Or, maybe it’s much bigger and more overwhelming, like starting your own business.

What is your dream? What is on your to-do list this week? What will you do just for youself this week?

Whatever it is, whereever it is … may it be so.

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