A toast to the dark and light

Today I want to honor the darkness that haunts my soul now and then as well as the lightness that floats to the top most hours of the day.

Today I want to honor the shadows that appear on certain days and the rays of sunshine that sparkle in the skies.

Today I surrender to the peace that flutters inside my heart as well as the eclipse of my emotions that takes over at times.

Today I gently hold my scared, nervous hands. And, at the same time, caress them for they are bold and fearless and reach for the goodness this world has to offer.

Today I lift my gaze to the sky, breathing in its shimmery wonder. And I bow my head in awe of the groundedness of the earth below me.

Today I weep for the many sadnesses that have come before me. And I laugh at the joy of what is yet to become me.

Today I close my eyes to the silent, black sky and go inward, deeper to a place of meaning and sacredness.

Today I open my soul to the amazing brightness that holds me in safety and in love. And lie down at the thought of my fears and worries and anxieties that keep me up at night.

Today I want for nothing for nothing more than already is can come out of the shortest, coldest day. And yet I want for everything, all the sure things in life before me like silly giggles, glowing candles, bare branches, twinkling red and green lights, magical, unexpected snow flakes, glowing embers in the fire, soft, fuzzy blankets, steaming hot cocoa with fluffy marshmallows and chocolate chips melting, cookies freshly baked from the oven, holding hands with the ones I love, warm hugs, sloppy kisses, believing in hope, visions of peace, honoring myself, gifts to give, and all the gratitude that can fill my heart.

This is my ode to winter, to 2011, to this time in my life. This is how I want to remember this year, a year of heartbreaks and let downs but also love, growth, strength, gifts of love and kindness of unsizable proportions. And remembering that it is perfectly fine to let go, to let go of people who do us wrong, to smile and nod and pretend that you don’t know someone that did you wrong, to give up people who you thought were friends and were not. It’s OK. And to put focus where it belongs. On family — the ones that show up all the time and never judge. On friends — new and old — that just support you. On dreams — making them, creating them, and helping them birth into the world in big, gigantic ways.

There’s too much goodness, too much sadness to hold it all in all the time. Life it is too short; we must feel every single moment as if it is our last — just as we must enjoy every moment, every breath, every fit of laughter rising up inside of us. This one precious moment is but ours to take hold and toss into the wind.

And just see what becomes of it.