Inspiring families to find their happy place.

This or That Syndrome

November 23, 2011 by 2 Comments

Store Window Reflection by Joseph Szymanski

I used to think happiness was doing the One Single Thing in this world that we’re called to do. I used to think that if that wasn’t possible, then happiness would just remain elusive.

This or that. Black or White. Either, Or.

Then, after I became a mother, I started to question and wonder about all of my dreams and callings. Suddenly, paralyzed with what I no longer had time for in life such as writing, my dreams got bigger and bigger. I soon realized that life isn’t about just one dream, or one calling. There’s enough space in life for all of it, including our swollen dreams.

I truly appreciate Daniel’s post about What Makes You Come Alive over at Metta Drum on this topic because I’ve been preaching that to my writing students for a while now. We can be writers AND something else entirely. In fact, as someone who’s been a writer to earn money and someone who’s just been a writer, I feel confident in saying that the latter is actually better for the love of the craft unless earning money is no issue for you. It’s OK to be more than one thing in life.

For me, it’s about Balance.

There’s no greater way to stop being a creative writer than writing to earn a living. Deadlines loom. We get tired of staring at the computer screen all day. We grow tired of thinking of the right words to use all day. So, at night, we resort to anything, everything that isn’t writing. Pretty sad way of life if all you ever wanted to be was a writer, as I have.

And yet, the funny thing is that as writers or creative types, we often need to interact with the outside world to refresh our ideas or to gather up new ideas. For some of us, the outside world is our muse.

I’m tired of falling prey to the evil This or That Syndrome. I’m tired of feeling like I have to be a mother all day and not a woman with dreams. I’m tired of being a fulltime worker all day and having to put away my mother hat even though my kids consume my every thought. I’m tired of having to choose one or the other, this or that.

I’m a working Mama by day and a writer the rest of the time. That’s who I am. All of it.

For the longest time, I tried to separate my many selves because of this societal pressure to be only one thing.

Through lots of reading and practice, I’m learning that the best place, the happiest place, is when all of our many selves collide into the one Authentic person we truly are in life. It’s a little bit of that humanist, freethinker, writer, mother and thought leader in me that led to this blog. I’m a writer but I”m so much more than that as well. I have dreams and ideas. I’m a mother but I”m much more than that, too.

So if you find yourself compartmentalizing your many, many selves take comfort: Open yourself up and find a way for them to all burst onto the scene. Be One with them All. That’s the only way to reach your authentic voice.

With proper balance and centering, we can wake up and find space for all of our dreams. At least, that is, if we want to be Real.

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The rush of new ideas

November 21, 2011 by 3 Comments

“My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living.”
- Anais Nin

There is no better feeling than when a fresh new idea strikes. That feeling of intense inspiration feels like a rush and I admit to feeling addicted to that feeling of adrenalin running rampant.

Each week, I am swarmed with new ideas both original and those I learn about on the Internet. I have so many ideas that I’ve recently taken to emailing some of the ideas to myself just so I feel I have given them an outlet,  a place of their own. Often, very often, I move on and never act on those ideas. And, just the same, the clog of too many ideas leaves my mind feeling cluttered and scattered because all I can think about are new ideas, which means I’m really living in the future and not The Now. My to-do lists are like excavation projects — long, dark and cave-like and hard to dig through. I usually get frustrated in the middle and abandon quickly.

While I implement many simple and easy-to-do ideas into my personal life and home, I don’t act enough on the bigger ideas that I have about our society or my big picture plan. Just writing this blog post and meditating on the spiritual aspect of new ideas has led me to realize that I do not take enough of my ideas and turn them into reality.

Perhaps because of fear? Or lack of energy?

“An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea.”
- Buddha

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately on Buddha’s teachings. {Reading is often when I get most of my ideas.} And one thought in particular has struck  me: the power of getting an idea and just sitting with it and not acting on it. A large part of my mind is relieved to realize that I don’t have to act on them all and, therefore, I do not have to feel guilt for not putting a new idea into action.

And yet, I also know that acting upon the best ideas helps lead us to success and productive living.

“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life – think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.”
- Swami Vivekananda

This post idea came to me on Sunday during a small group discussion. One friend said she doesn’t get many ideas but when she does it’s all she can think about and nothing can stop her. Another said that he views ideas — the ones he acts upon — as his legacy.

And I love that thought. In fact, I used to think that way along time ago — before children took over most of my thoughts.

So just how do we idea-obsessed folks handle all the ideas? I have scoured the Internet in search of some great ideas on how to manage Too Many Ideas Syndrome.

  • Well, we sign up for Pinterest, for one. Right?
  • And, this list over here at Lifehack is pretty great.
  • I also really love this list of 9 Ways to Overcome Too Many Ideas Syndrome at Writer’s Digest, particularly because it is just for writers with too many ideas. Hello, that’s me!
  • Of course, if we are feeling true abundance and at peace in our life, we won’t really care if we have too many ideas. Creative abundance is always a good message. You can read about that here.

I guess the message is that if we are blessed with one really good idea that consumes or dozens of small ones, we should feel honored that we are the ones carrying these ideas. It’s our job, one day at a time, to carry them into fruition.

Maybe we can’t agree on what happens after we die but can certainly all agree that what we do here while we are here matters a whole lot. What ideas are we leaving behind? What ideas are we closing a door on today? Where is the courage within us to reach inside and pull out that one really good idea that might impact the world, or at least ourselves for a while?

And, better yet, are we ready to just let ideas rest until we know they are worth pursuing?

How do you handle your ideas? Please share both on how you archive them but also how you implement them and put them into action.

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Stay awake

November 19, 2011 by 2 Comments

Years ago, when I was newly engaged and a different person than I am now, during a spiritual workshop, students were asked to give one word to describe ourselves. I always sweat under those circumstances. The pressure reduces me to a pile of blubbering mess because, as a writer, I feel I must present just The Perfect Word. While I sweated, the others eloquently mouthed lovely words after lovely words.

I don’t even remember what my chosen word was that evening. But I remember a lovely lady across the room with a couple decades on me.

“Awake. I want to stay awake,” she said.

{Me, too, I thought.}

***

Two or three years later, I was a new mother of twins. A brand new mother — of twins. I was overwhelmed, over-tired, scared out of my mind. I remember spending most of the first four months in my bedroom with the babies, crying. Not because I was sad but because I was totally lonely and exhausted.

One day, my husband — an editor — brought home a book that someone told him to give to me. I hardly remember the circumstances. I only remember the book was given to me and to this day it was the best gift of my life, at least as a mother.

The book, “Momma Zen,” by Karen Maezen Miller changed my perspective 100 percent. Her book didn’t make my days easier. I was still tired, overwhelmed and very lonely but it did change how I viewed that situation. I was alone but that didn’t mean I had feel alone.

{Serendipity.}

***

Now. Yeah, now. Everything’s easier and yet nothing’s easier. I still strive to stay awake. I still strive to keep my thoughts under control. I still strive to walk the middle path of balance between motherhood, womanhood and working motherhood. I meditate. I read. I chant on occassion. I walk the path of peace — except when I don’t.

{I am awake. Or, at least trying to be.}

***

This blog, this site is a reflection of all of these people I’ve been and all that I want to be: Peaceful. Balanced. Loving. Generous. And full of grace.

{Thank you for reading.}

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Filed Under: Intentional Parenting, Mindful Living Tagged With: , , ,